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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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If I eat a Chick-fil-a sandwich it doesn't mean I hate gays. If I eat a Jimmy Johns sandwich it doesn't mean I support the killing of exotic animals. All it means is I really like sandwiches.
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07-31-2012 11:31
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AWE YEAH,,, I just washed my dog with Axe body wash... He's gonna to get ALL DA B!TCHES
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08-04-2012 10:09 by
snotty
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Not all that glitters is gold. Take, for instance, glitter.
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08-13-2012 22:24 by
Maureen
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I blame everyone for my problems. Except Shaggy, Because we all know it wasn't him.
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03-10-2013 15:10
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You call it armed robbery, I call it people giving me gifts to celebrate my new gun!
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07-26-2013 12:57 by
Baddie
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I saw 2 flies screwing today..and I swatted them and said "If I can't, you can't either.
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08-08-2013 02:08 by
@uxbridgeguy
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I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
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08-16-2013 16:03 by
danny boy
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beating your meat as a teenager just prepares you for marriage...
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01-24-2013 21:52
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WHY do men cheat? Seriously... One woman is expensive enough!
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01-29-2013 03:30 by
Malichai
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Shout out to all the KKK members who have a birthday in Black History month and a birthday on the same day as MLK.
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02-12-2013 05:50 by
Danmanz
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I would kill the sexiest person on earth but suicide is a crime
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01-19-2011 20:25 by
SEXYONE
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When one person suffers from delusion, it is called insanity.When many people suffer from delusion, it is called religion....
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03-19-2010 17:30 by
Samir Momin
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I don't know what's more awkward, Answering Dora, Or sitting there in total silence while she stares at you..
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10-28-2011 01:02 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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It's not embarrassing that you're still writing 2014 on your checks... What you should be ashamed of, is that you still write checks.
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01-04-2015 17:37 by
snotty
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Confucius say: Woman who keep husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
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11-21-2013 20:14
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Don't worry about the bullet that has your name on it. Worry about the one that says "To Whom it May Concern."
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10-15-2013 19:51
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The first rule of Women's fight club is don't tell anyone what you're mad about or why you're fighting
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11-29-2013 07:15 by
flinnie
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Why "Trojan" condoms? Didn't the Trojan horse burst open & thousands of little guys poured out? Less than stellar marketing.
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12-01-2013 06:45 by
HiYourJon
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If your face doesn't look like a glazed donut ..your doing it wrong.
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05-04-2014 03:47
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Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
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07-18-2014 03:35 by
andrew jackson
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