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If I eat a Chick-fil-a sandwich it doesn't mean I hate gays. If I eat a Jimmy Johns sandwich it doesn't mean I support the killing of exotic animals. All it means is I really like sandwiches. 
AWE YEAH,,, I just washed my dog with Axe body wash... He's gonna to get ALL DA B!TCHES
Not all that glitters is gold. Take, for instance, glitter.
I blame everyone for my problems. Except Shaggy, Because we all know it wasn't him.
You call it armed robbery, I call it people giving me gifts to celebrate my new gun!
I saw 2 flies screwing today..and I swatted them and said "If I can't, you can't either.
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
beating your meat as a teenager just prepares you for marriage...
WHY do men cheat? Seriously... One woman is expensive enough!
Shout out to all the KKK members who have a birthday in Black History month and a birthday on the same day as MLK.
I would kill the sexiest person on earth but suicide is a crime
When one person suffers from delusion, it is called insanity.When many people suffer from delusion, it is called religion....
I don't know what's more awkward, Answering Dora, Or sitting there in total silence while she stares at you..
It's not embarrassing that you're still writing 2014 on your checks... What you should be ashamed of, is that you still write checks.
Confucius say: Woman who keep husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
Don't worry about the bullet that has your name on it. Worry about the one that says "To Whom it May Concern."
The first rule of Women's fight club is don't tell anyone what you're mad about or why you're fighting
Why "Trojan" condoms? Didn't the Trojan horse burst open & thousands of little guys poured out? Less than stellar marketing.
If your face doesn't look like a glazed donut ..your doing it wrong.
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
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