Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   please don't follow in my footsteps coz I walk into walls

   Saying that athiests can't say "OMG" because they're godless is like saying theists can't say "common sense" because they lack it.

   discovered today that when a police officer says, "Ma'am, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?", you should never respond with "Officer, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

   Boob is the perfect word cux it shows you what it means. Top view -> B ... Front view -> oo ... Side view -> b.

   Why does Stevie Wonder love seeded hamburger rolls? Because of the jokes written on top.

   I met a Spanish man with a Rubber toe......his name was Roberto

   Breaking News: Tiger Woods withdraws from the masters after the first hole. At a news conference he claims he dropped out because he's a one hole man now......

   Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and now Amy Winehouse, all died at 27. So only 10 more years of Justin Bieber

   Law of Reverse Dynamics: When a man becomes rich, he becomes naughty When a woman becomes naughty, she becomes rich.

   I'm seriously as bored as a vegetarian gay guy at hooters!

   DIET= Do I Eat That...

   I hate married people who act single.

   Sometimes my LOL just means, Lack-Of-Laughter

   I had an appointment at the sperm bank today, but I had to call up to say I couldn't come.

   I will not apologize for being awesome.

   There’s “hell” in hello, “good” in goodbye, “lie” in believe, “over” in lover, “end” in friend, “ex” in “next”, & “if” in life.

   I do not like racism of any kind. It's disrespectful to all the coloreds.

   I like my women the same way I like my hangover, gone by the time I get out of bed.

   Lefties eat yellow snow on Winter Solstice.

   Kids can't read the Bible in school, but are encouraged to read it in prison. Maybe if we allowed them to read it in school, they might never end up in prison.