Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Leadership: The art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.

   I'm going back to traffic school to get my Masters.

   I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.

   with all the engineers trying to stop the leak in the gulf, has anyone tried to contact someone with some basic plumbing skills???

   HATES that the Gulf of Mexico has been BPeed on.

   Dear Life, You have some explaining to do...

   thinks he is going to adopt an African child, but he isn't going to be like Angelina Jolie and just adopt willy nilly, if he goes over there, he is coming back with a wide receiver or running back.

   cant help but wonder when they'll start making porn in 3D, since that seems to be the new fad with movies.

   can be found at The Last house on the left...

   ˙sƃuıɥʇ uo ǝʌıʇɔǝdsɹǝd ɹǝɥ ƃuıƃuɐɥɔ sı

   I can buy my own sugar. What I need is an insurance mama...

   It feels good not to have any feelings.

   I'm not drunk... I'm just tired from drinking all day!

   worried that my wife (when I'm dead) will sell my fishing gear for what I said I paid for it.

   Cell phones should be able to be solar charged

   I miss playing Capture The Flag. Adulthood is sad.

   I'm pretty sure my wife friend-zoned me a couple years back...

   pallbearers help us crowd surf into the afterlife

   I wanna get pulled over at 88 mph just so I can tell the cop: "Sorry, Flux capacitor must be busted. I should be in 1957."

   Driving down the road and I see a sign that says "Speed Inforced By Aircraft" So I went a little faster....how cool would it be to get pulled over by a plane?