Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Life sucks when a girlfriend doesn't

   Don't let someone build you, because they will have the power to destroy you whenever they want.

   Harrison Ford is a quarter Jew .NOT TOO SHABBYY!!

   I just cleaned out the fireplace so that "Santa won't get dirty". I did it for my son because I love him, even though he's delusional.

   My new year's resolution is to make better bad decisions.

   Teacher: 'David, if you have 5 sweets, and Paco asks you for 1 sweet, how many sweets do you have left??' David: '5'

   I'll take SPORTS SUPERSTARS for $1000 Alex. The answer: Allen Iverson and Randy Moss. *buzzes in* Who are 'people that no one wants on their team anymore?'

   I used to care but now I take a pill for that...

   swears he heard a chinese say something along the lines: "Are you harbouring a fugitive?" These are the exact words: Hu Yu Hai Ding?

   The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from eating too much pi.

   thinks that if Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga had a baby, it would look like Chuky.

   thinks it's obvious that a guy created google...i'm feeling lucky?

   ust once I wanna see one of these food network hosts taste their dish they just made and freak out and say how horrible it tastes. Just once!

   thinks Christmas must be near. Just found a partridge in one of the pear trees on Farmtown

   It's not the minutes that we spend sitting at the table that puts on weight. It's the seconds.

   No unwilling people were harmed during the making of this status. Viewer discretion is advised

   begining to think Facebook has Body dysmorphic disorder, seriously enough with the changes!!! We liked you the way you were!!!

   Who told you, you were special? The lady driving that little bus?

   Nothing funnier than a pissed off mall cop on a Segway. With those goofy helmets on, I just can't take them seriously.

   doing The Safety Dance while holding scissors. I'm such a rebel.