Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   When I go to Mexican restaurants I order a glass of water, eat all of the chips and salsa and walk out without paying.

   moonwalking away after mugging someone because you're a smooth criminal

   GHETTO WORD OF THE DAY: OMELETTE- "Imma punch fit what you jes said, but OMELETTE this one go this time.

   Dear New User; Facebook is a revolutionary platform. Don't bring your Twitter tendencies here. Here you are either funny and witty or you go back to Twitter.

   Christmas trees are like boobs. Fake ones are nice to look at, but real ones are better.

   Ladies; Never die a virgin, apparently when you get to heaven they make you shag a suicide bomber.

   People in relationships are usually okay with cold weather because they can cuddle but lonely people are like fml it's cold.

   Pitbull's videos = 10% music, 90% porn, 0% hair

   There is 2 types of ugly girls; the UGLY girls, and the girls with MAKE-UP.

   if people are trying to bring you down it only means you are above them

   It looks like my town's Home Depot is dressing up as Christmas for Halloween ,,,,,,, Really?

   What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook.

   Fellas: Don't build a new ship out of old wood. Upgrading your woman with plastic surgery doesn't change the fact that her genes are ugly.

   I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

   a man is like a tile floor. lay him right and you can walk on him for 30 years

   People disregard you when they don't want you, but they are quick to acknowledge you when they need your help.

   I'll stop making excuses when other people start taking responsibility for my actions.

   That split second when you are 100% sure ur gunna die after you lean to far back in ur chair

   You can't be rocking the same pair of jeans for 3 straight days and claim you got SAWG.

   If your parents, your boss, and three of your friends invite you to a party at a clinic its a trap