Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If a mute kid swears,does his mother wash his hands out with soap?

   if love is blind,how does it happen at 1st sight???

   thinking about building a house made of unopened Bud Light cans and bottles....[The commercial inspired me]

   -- I come from a long line of Conga dancers.....

   My Girlfriend told me to help her find a job that shows off her best qualities. I got her an application for Subway.

   find that job you love and never work a day in your life

   - My wife said she is going to leave me if I dont stop my bad habbits. I nearly choked on my toe nail.

   There are no winners in Monopoly... only quitters and cheaters.

   Telling my nephew that leprechauns store their gold in electrical sockets and that he'd need a fork to get it out probably wasn't a good idea.

   I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll have sex with me

   Dear Mr. guy that honks his horn right when the light turns green, it's not gonna work so well when I rip it out and shove it down your throat!

   What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire?

   "Is that your dog?".... "No, actually she's adopted... We were unable to conceive a dog naturally ourselves"

   Hey, don't worry the 'too young' dude got himself a new helmet. He'll be ok once it loosens up

   I was gonna buy a copy of 'The Power of Positive Thinking', and then I thought, what good would that do?

   Don't do drugs kids. There is a time and place for everything. It's called college.

   I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

   reminded my buddy to let his faucet drip...forgot he had gonorrhea...another awkward moment brought to you by STD's...

   thinks my doctor's waiting room needs some music... and better lighting... and more women... and a pole in the middle of the room... and a buffet.

   A new medical study reports that men who eat ten pizzas a week are less likely to develop prostate problems at age 50. That`s because they are usually dead by age 40