Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   TWILIGHT - An epic saga about a young woman's struggle to choose between Necrophilia and Bestiality

   I've heard that the hardest part of Rollerblading is telling your parents that you're gay.

   do snitches still get stiches under obamacare?

   Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction,,, I hope there's no hard feelings

   You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

   Jay Cutler and the Chicago Bears just signed a "No Super Bowl for seven more years" contract today

   Ok super positive people, just calm down…not everything is a Gift, a Blessing or a Miracle.

   Roses are red, Facebook is blue. You look bangable, so I'll add you.

   If your girlfriend doesn’t like that bi&ch, you don’t talk to that bi&ch.

   Not all of us are looking for masturbation, d*ck, or p*ssy jokes.

   I have always been suspicious of Wendy's hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.

   I hope no babies were killed at the Planed Parenthood shooting

   Why are there no Knock Knock jokes about America? Because Freedom rings.

   I brush after every meal.And the Dentist says my hair looks lovely.

   'Kidnapping' is such a strong word. I prefer to think of it as 'surprise adoption

   When buying a new flat screen T.V, always remember to put the box in the neighbor's trash can so you don't get robbed.

   Real men don't wear pink,,,,,,,,,,,they eat it.

   only here while supplies last

   An apple fan walks into a bar.. Orders the same drink as yesterday, but pays more..

   The strangest thing about Obama's birth certificate is that it lists Joe Biden as a witness to his birth. Other than that, it appears fine........