Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   says "If at first you don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie."

   I think what I want most out of life is to die in my 90's owing a s**t load of money and shot by a jealous husband.

   If your gonna be two faced at least make one of em pretty!

   Im not under the alkafluence of inkahol thet some thinkle peep I am!!!

   “There are better things in life than alcohol, but alcohol makes up for not having them

   Wrinkles are hereditary. Mothers and fathers get them from their children.

   ~ Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin, it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.~

   The truth hurts... and I don't carry band-aids...

   I used to live in a residential building until a few hookers moved in on the 3rd floor - now it's a commercial building...

   It is hard to believe someone is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in their place.

   OUCH! Why does a papercut always have to feel like a gunshot wound!?!

   got a Black-Belt in Crazy!

   "That's a cool chair." "Yeah, I know. It rocks."

   "Silence is Another name for my Pain."

   I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

   Why do we spend so much time looking for intelligent life on other planets? I'd be happy to find intelligent life here on Earth first.

   I never knew how corny some of my friends were before I added them on Facebook.

   Doesn't matter how you find the gold, as long as you beat the leprechaun to it

   wonders if women are from venus, and men are from mars... where are transvestites from?

   Paris Hilton thanks fans for their support following cocaine arrest. In other breaking news: Paris Hilton has fans?!