Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   And the Oscar goes to.................................... Court for killing his girlfriend.

   Terrible 2's->sweet 16->slutty 18-> Alcoholic 21

   Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?

   My best friend in Florida won the power 540 million power ball....Okay, I haven't actually met him yet but I am sure we will be the best friends forever.

   Ya know, "American Pie" ruined it for any kid who really did have an amazing story about band camp.

   Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"

   dumb minds think alike too.

   It is Scientifically proven that you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blow job

   Jeremiah quickly learned that as long as he had wine, some mighty fine wine, he would always have a friend.

   They call me The Beer Whisperer.

   I don't want perfect, I want honesty.

   I heard that "Lincoln" was shot on location...

   Nascar would be so more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.

   I wish I loved anything as much as drunk girls love taking pictures.

   Note to the Administrators of PowerBall, I think you should award a prize for not having any of the numbers selected in Wednesdays $579 million drawing! Signed, Not a Fan of Missouri and Arizona

   Hate it when people post complaints on Facebook. Those people are annoying.

   I must need glasses because everywhere I look, people seem to have two faces!

   What's faker than 2 women meeting for the first time?

   If I had known then what I know now I probably would have had another drink.

   "It's been a long day!" ummm unless you live on another planet, our days have been the same for awhile now.