Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If it wasn't for the gutter my mind would be homeless.

   I just spelled something so badly that my autocorrect had to LOL.

   Tech Support in India? They cnt even fix their own Blackouts :)

   Three reasons to stand up: 1. To get the remote 2. To go to the bathroom 3. Because you're the real slim shady

   You know its time to call it quits on that relationship when her shoes become more important to her.

   A week in to the Olympics and finally something to cheer about. A female athlete with boobs visible to the naked eye.

   I feel bad for deaf people until I remember Justin Bierber.

   You ask my name like you really want to remember it for the police report.

   Worst part about having an iPhone or any other smart phone for that matter is when you get mad you can't slam the phone

   Your cries for attention are like a car alarm at 2 o'clock in the morning.People only notice it because it's annoying.

   There's no statement as powerful as a man crying. I guess I should stop hitting him.

   Why are all the best stress relievers illegal? A little bit of murder would work wonders right now.

   some of you ladies think you're a hot mess but you're really just a mess...

   Whenever you feel stupid, just look at the trending topics on twitter. There are always people dumber than you.

   If spiders start flying I'm leaving this planet.

   The only thing missing from a guy that goes home alone from the bar every night is confidence.

   If she still adores you while you're covered in mud scrabbling to get out of a hole at rock bottom, she's definitely a keeper.

   you can half your cake and eat it in two.

   I go to the gym once a week, but I don't have to go inside. I get all my exercise walking to the ice cream shop next door.

   Just had an idea for a musical - How do you solve a problem like Korea...