Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I wonder what Rick Astley is going to give up for Lent?

   Don't forget to tell someone you miss them just because you're horny today

   I wish moths and I didn't have the same taste in shirts.

   No, I don't want extra butter on my popcorn. I'm a boring idiot that hates happiness.

   I have a masters at saying dumb things to beautiful women.

   I've even started lying about my age on the treadmill at the gym.

   I think during every government shut-down, we should declare a Purge, just like in the movie.

   I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults

   Boss: You're on another break already? Me: No. This is the same one you saw me on an hour ago.

   If I cut you off and didn't tell you why. That means I lost all respect for you and you don't even deserve an explanation.

   I'd play more video games if I didn't have a fully functioning pen*s.

   You can make my whole day just by not being part of it ..

   Where is the ãdmįn when you need one

   Why is it called ''beauty sleep'' when you wake up looking like a troll??

   I had so much no sex last night.

   I think Ceelo Green released the Ray Rice tape

   in my opinion, a camel's back seems like a very inefficient way to transport straws,,, but I might be a bit biased here.

   So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.

   Females are simple bro: With them, Yes means Yes, & No means Yes, & No means No, & No means Maybe, but Maybe means Yes, and Maybe means No.....

   "My best years are still ahead of me," I say as I walk slowly up the stairs, knees crackling like a campfire.