Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   any1 know how to turn your body clock off?? this is just gettin ridiculous at this stage

   "You can add 'Find & kill Osama' to the list of things that happened since Cubs last won World Series."

   Are you ready, boots? Okay, well, let me know when you're ready.

   happy Cinco de Drinko!

   likes you. He will kill you last.

   does not admit it...but I think i'm addicted to facebook...is there a web 2.0 rehab nearby?

   not a tease....just a reminder of what you cant please

   busier than a one legged river dancer

   thinks everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege

   the cost of living's going up, and the chance of livin's going down.

   Why do they report power outages on TV?

   Here's a secret tip for X-files fans: Drink two bottles of vodka. You'll invariably wake up in a strange place with all recollections of the previous nights events mysteriously "erased".

   If anyone has trouble finding the key to my heart, I keep an extra set under the stones in my kidney.

   I've realized the older women get, the more likely they are to have a tissue or a bandaid when I needs one.

   Getting a girl off is like a game of Marco Polo. The louder she gets, the closer you are. Wandering in the other direction is just counterproductive.

   "Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other."

   I said I would never watch another 3-D movie after watching "Dirk Diggler" in Boogie Nights 3-D but Toy Story 3 kicked ass!

   hopeful that science will soon bring us the miracle of birth control infused vodka. Hope springs eternal.

   I love it when the one actually insane person in the office says, "call me crazy, but.." Because we totally DO!

   They say behind every successful man is a woman. So whoever you are, come out here where I can see your face!