Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Cool thing to do: Read the ingredients of something a friend is eating then stop midway and ask something like"What is Ar-se-nic? Did I say it right?".

   Ever drive somewhere, completely zoned out, and wonder, ‘How the heck did I just get here?' Then start freaking out about how many red lights you must have ran. Yeah, happens all the time.

   Unicorns are really just weaponized ponies.

   If each day is a gift, I'd like to know where to return for refund Mondays...

   so its valentines day.. does that mean I am suppose to have a heart on?

   "So whose the Doctor who overdose Whitney Houston and how many years he getting?", says Dr Conrad.......

   I'm afraid if we keep calling Jeremy Lin an Underdog, his family will eat him.

   Fat Tuesday...or as we call it, 25 days till St Patricks Day

   “Fine, sure, go ahead. Weird, but I like it.” (God greenlighting the duck-billed platypus)

   undecided between Grey Goose or Wild Turkey for Thanksgiving today.

   When Hermione's true love left her, she continued on to help Harry defeat the most powerful wizard of all time. When Bella's true love left her, she curled up in the fetal position for four months, cried, and jumped off a cliff..

   Belle: "My husband is a beast." Cinderella: "Mine still drives a pumpkin." Snow White: "My husband leaves me home with 7 little ones." Mermaid: "Mine wants me to use fishnet stockings." Sleeping Beauty: "I just pretend i'm asleep." Disney's Desperate Hous

   I remember the days when all my "good stuff" fit in a Sucrets box.

   A snake is a snake, no matter how many times it sheds its skin!

   My mind likes to mess with me just before sleeping. Last night I wondered what if dolls contained lost souls. Sitting there, watching, waiting, thinking....Dolls

   One day, we will all live in the future.

   I seldom fart, but when I do, it smells like pickled eggs and Dos Equis. Stay thirsty, my friends

   My Masseuse just read 'Cinderella' to me ~ That's the last time I ask for a happy ending.

   Er, excuse me, Mr. Swagger, Either walk a little bit faster or buy a damn belt.

   My mate just texted me saying, "I wanna read a book. what wud you recommend?" "The Oxford English Dictionary" I replied.