Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching TV by candlelight

   ATTENTION STRIPPERS: Now that the US will be distributing coin dollars instead of bills, you might want to invest in a fanny pack, goggles, and a helmet. BOW CHIKA WOW WOW.

   happy to see that Octomom's Today Show interview cut short by the space shuttle launch. Why is she still on the news? It's not like she killed one of them, did she?

   Congress decided not to raise the debt ceiling. If China calls, let it go to voicemail

   Dear hackers, Until you break the great firewall of China, I'm not impressed.

   The benefit of always going in to work late is that when you're on time, people think you're early.

   Dear Fellow Motorist, When your nosehairs get so long you have a boog flapping in the wind hanging on for dear life that can be seen one lane over, I think it's time to invest in a trimmer. Sincerely, Really Grossed Out

   Does anyone know what the other half of the battle is?

   it "Pets Mart"? Or is it "Pet Smart"?

   When I grew up I cussed so much that for a while I thought that soap was actually one of the four food groups

   Headline: "Police watch for sex trafficking ahead of Super Bowl." I guess the Steelers have finally arrived in Dallas.

   a little disappointed that Egyptians don't walk any different from the rest of us!!!

   No matter what butcher you go to, you will always get a raw deal.

   BBC News: "Ice Cream Company Launches Breast Milk Flavoured Ice Cream". I wonder if they will be doing raspberry nipple.

   Relationships are a winter sport..

   The awkard moment when you realize Valentines day is approaching fast and the only one who loves you is your pet..

   A wise man once said "_____". Fill in the blanks when you find a wise man.

   All of a sudden I love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.

   Breaking News: Madonna just adopted Cee Lo

   Well now I'm screwed... everyone always tells me once you go black you never go back, but I left my keys in her apartment.