Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   no matter how you spell Gaddafi , it still spells DENIAL

   Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

   Don't trade what you want most for what you want now.

   I take context out of things.

   My girlfriend and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.

   I would shoot you, but why end your misery.

   I have kleptomania. When it gets really bad, I take something for it.

   No one wasted their superhero/villain potential quite like Zack Morris and his ability to Freeze Time.

   Be more concerned about your character than about your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think of you.

   How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

   The hardest part about business is minding your own.

   My cellphone is mixing people up (surprise this would only happen to me) So if you get a picture of my left tit..apoligies in advance!!

   If it ain't broke, ask it for five dollars.

   If somebody ever stole my identity, I'm pretty sure they'd give it right back.

   I don't understand the Starbucks ordering language.

   Did you know..... your middle toe is a radar detector for chair legs??!

   a super hero, with NO powers of motivation.

   BREAKING NEWS: Entire Kardashian Family Diagnosed With "Attention Surplus Disorder".

   In certain cultures its illegal to look this good

   A penny saved is just stupid, honestly what am I gonna get with it. Beside splurging on a tootsie roll.