Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I sometimes pee in the shower, and my girlfriend says that's only ok if I'm actually taking a shower.

   Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your bf or gf wants 2 leave u, they should give you 2wks notice. There should b severance pay, and b4 they leave u, they should have to find you a temp!!

   The first few people to join Facebook must have felt like pretty big losers.

   met this girl at the pub and she told me her ‘sex was on fire'. She lied. But ironically, now it burns when I piss.

   OMG!! I'm not going to click on that link to see what that dad posted on his daughter's wall! Its spam people, stop the madness!!!

   as of today I will no longer use "lol" after my comments or posts...I will now use "snicker".

   thinks that swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

   there ever a day when mattresses AREN'T on sale?

   I’m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.

   GOOD NEWS EVERYONE,,, Comedy Central has just secured the rights to show all of the NY JETS regular season.

   I'm playing a girl in fantasy FB this week, I have to pick up ray rice, he gives me the best opportunity to beat her.

   I was addicted to porn but I was able to beat it.

   When someone over 40 tells me they've never been married & have no kids I don’t question them…I just pat them on the back and say well done!

   He walked across the parking area explaining, “I’m going through a lot”

   Ladies, if he calls you crazy don't react to it by acting all crazy..

   I've come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.

   Sometimes when I see an airplane passing over I just wish I were on it and didn't care where it was going.

   October 13, 2000 was the last full moon on Friday the 13th. The next will be October 13, 2049. Check your facts SULLY.

   "What the h*ll is wrong with you, if I wanted a loser I would have married Tony Romo" ~ Giselle to Tom probably

   I wish cats came with a counter that told you what life they were on. Number 8 kitty? Maybe you need to work on that attitude.