Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   First, Love Yourself!..........Everyone Else, get in line!!!

   Just watched Die Hard 2. People in 1990 sure knew how to shrug off a plane crash.

   saw a vegetarian eating a banana. I asked her how would she like it if her skin was ripped off and she was eaten alive.

   I MISS MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH!!!!! Can someone please tell me If the lettuce goes over, or under the ham!

   My internet bride got delivered today, she's the WiFi always dreamed of.

   Before you judge the younger generation remember who raised them.

   Today, I again lulled myself in to believing that I can eat at a Taco Bell without ending up screaming for an epidural from the men's room.

   a parent should never name the kid "Lana"...just in case the kid becomes dyslexic

   just reading this article on body language, and I was really surprised at how much you can tell about a person just by there hands. For example, if you're trying to talk to someone, and their hands are around your neck, then they probably slightly upset

   My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.

   Oh well.. There is still time for Justin Bieber to accidentally over dose. . .

   Lets not get overly excited about the government shutdown, Walmart is still open!

   Relationship status: ironing shirt with George Foreman grill.

   Why can't Stevie wonder see his friends?... Cause he's married!!

   Id like to wish myself a happy Pulling Out Day !!!

   Nothing says "friend zone" quite like a girl saying "you're like a brother to me." (Disregard this message if you're from Alabama)

   Did you hear about the girl who had TWO chances to get pregnant, and she blew them both?

   "so that's what Kim Kardashian's ass looks like" said no one ever.

   I have been getting a lot of canned meat ads in my emails. Why isn't it going into my spam folder?

   I don't care what any politician says ..... This country and this world are definitely not better places than it was 8 years ago! If they say otherwise they are liars and should not be trusted.