Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   BREAKING NEWS: United States resumes not caring about soccer, looks forward to NFL Football in September

   My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty."

   Everybody would agree that 2009 has been a hard year for all of us.

   For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

   Ladies stop looking for a man to sweep you off your feet. Sweeping is your job.

   Yes I know it's 09/09/09 I don't need 100 text messages letting me know. I have a calendar!

   Thank you Gym for being like my Grandmother...Always there for me, even though I only visit you twice a year.

   So Mark McGwire has admitted to using steroids. In other shocking news, Snoop Dogg has admitted to using marijuana, and Bill O'Reilly has a big mouth.

   Wishing all a Happy Easter, and hoping the Easter Bunny craps out a huge chocolate filled egg for you!-)

   Never steal. The government hates competition.

   a wise monkey never monkeys with another monkeys monkey

   Can't sleep. Clowns will eat me.

   I am rotating the tire on my unicycle!

   Dont buy condoms at BP gas stations, they may burst and result in a leak...

   wondering if Michael Jackson will ever return from the dead to make a Thriller 2

   you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up

   putting on his mistletoe belt buckle!" .

   wishing everyone a "Happy Earth Day", and is reminding you to keep our planet clean, it's not Uranis..

   Why do you bake cookies and cook bacon

   I bet you were one of those kids that ate the paste while gluing on cotton balls to make Santa's beard.