Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Carrie Fisher will forever stake claim on the title of Best Buns.

   Life was a lot easier when I believed in Santa Claus. . .

   ♫ All in all, it’s just a… nother post on my wall. ♫

   Tip for next month: Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you'll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward

   Houston we have a ball game

   Never think of yourself as worthless. Organs go for a lot of money on the black market.

   Ive started reading my boys facebook statuses at night instead of bedtime stories, so they'll understand the importance of an education.....

   You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when you first dating? Well, after 30 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".

   I wish I could feel as happy as an adult,, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class

   It's all fun and games until someone brings out Monopoly.....

   Chances are ladies, that if you're holding an acoustic guitar in your profile pic, I'm not accepting your friend request.

   Whenever I see a post that only says "I can't" or "I can't even" I assume the person drove off a cliff and the rest of the post was supposed to say "write a complete sentence."

   This Uber app is the worst dating site ever. A lot of dates but zero action...

   Today my virtually 3 year old daughter can unlock a mobile phone, open and close apps all by herself, at that age I ate sand !

   Whoever has voodoo doll of me, please have me clean the house and then recline me on the couch.

   I stand with Tiger Woods, he obviously needs help standing.

   Charlie Sheen has all this "tiger" blood I guess its only fair Tiger has a little "Charlie" blood.

   Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."

   . Have you heard the saying the truth will set you free? I told the judge the truth and got three years.

   If you're ever in a bathroom & see a glory hole; a fun thing to do is attach a hornet nest to it.