Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   i was sick of partying and thought i'll take a break for few days but this Osama just gave me a reason to party again.. tonight i'll have Osama Shots

   may not be the best, but I'm the best I've ever seen

   Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody else is reading it?

   if you let one of those dancing roadside Statues of Liberty do your taxes... your refund will be a hammer and a bag of tangerines.

   After everything I've been through.... This can't possibly be "as real as it gets"!

   i dont care how much ice cream you have your not gonna put that banana there.

   An apple a day keeps everyone away, if you can only throw it hard enough.

   Psychiatric labels are nice way of sugar coating the fact that some people are just plain a$$holes.

   It's hard to bury the past when you keep digging up old memories.

   I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.

   I'm so ugly, when I play Mortal Combat, Scorpion tells me "Stay Over There!".

   does anyone remember when lol meant “laughing out loud” instead of “this is to indicate that this brief text isnt hostile”

   If you want me to leave my house I need three days notice.

   Alcohol...because people annoy me but I'm also lonely

   Personal care products for men: This bottle contains body gel, shampoo, conditioner and moisterizer. For women: This bottle contains treatment for your left knee. For right knee products, check Aisle 7.

   Mint julep or tequila? Happy Kentucky de Mayo!!!

   Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!

   I decided to bury the hatchet with that neighbor I never got along with. After all, it is the murder weapon.

   When I was a kid my parents would say "You'll understand when you're older." Well now I'm older and I still don't understand.

   Woke up naked and sweaty and I didn’t even get laid.