Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   First dates in movies always consist of activities that would never work in real life. Oh, paddle boating in a lake... so romantic until the first fight comes 4 seconds in on which person is not pulling their weight.

   I can put a coffee maker next to my bed if I want to!

   Like all moms, there are days when Mother Nature just wants to feel sexy. Somehow, this leads to hurricanes.

   thinks that he has stumbled onto the secret of true happiness, but unfortunately, he hasn't figured out a way to charge people for it.

   Someone said I met Jim Beam last night but I don't recall.

   Why do they put slow cashiers on the speedy checkouts?

   I hate it when at the drive thru they give you 2 packs of sauce sauce for a 10 nuggets, but 2 packs of ketchup for a large fry! WTF?!

   having a "Who the hell is Mel Kiper? My mailman knows more about the draft than he does." moment !

   going to make an app called Stephville that way people can gift me items that I need around the house.

   thinking aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

   if you desire it, I'll aquire it.

   hates people that take drugs... Customs for example

   as confused as a cow on astro turf

   trying to turn a straw inside out

   thinking the sun is out might just work on my six pack!!!ithey should be cold enough now

   Drink what you will. Drink what you like. If you drinking with me you'll be under the table tonight. OUT DRINKING!

   Good thing I never got my zodiac sign tattooed.

   almost drowned in the shower yesterday, so today I have my life jacket and the voices and I have rehearsed what to do in case of an emergency

   [ ] single [ ] taken [x] dating imaginary person, that's perfect for me

   Am online on facebook only in morning, afternoon, evening and night.. otherwise am busy in study.