Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm not allowed to text and drive, but this officer can run my plates and talk on the phone simultaneously. I should brake-check him.

   ᵀʰᵉ ʷᵒʳᵈˢ ᶦᶰ ᵗʰᶦˢ ˢᵉᶰᵗᵉᶰᶜᵉ ᵃʳᵉ ʳᵉᵃᶫᶫʸ ˢᵐᵃᶫᶫ⋅

   Farting is an excellent example of faith. You are not 100% certain that something extra won't come out but still you push!

   i hope Boeing makes Romney a special plane with his windows that go down....its gonna be the short plane

   America was not shutdown properly. Would you like to start America in safe mode, with free healthcare and without corrupt politicians? (Recommended)

   No matter how long you have been together, it's completely okay to walk out of someone's life if you just don't feel like you belong there anymore.

   Saw a fat girl buying a rape whistle today. You gotta admire her optimism.

   So the US Supreme court has ruled that you have the right under the First Amendment to protest military Funerals....I invite you to Start your protest in my front yard and we can see if your first amendment is better than my Second Amendment...

   looking at you naked (mood: disappointed)

   I'm thankful that baby teeth are the only things that kids lose while growing up. Imagine the trauma of a nose falling off. Or a leg. "Why's your daughter hopping around like that?" "Oh, she just lost her baby leg last night."

   "I wasn't that Drunk.." "Dude, you threw a bird at the police and screamed go angry bird kill those pigs!"

   Buying water at baseball games is ridiculous! $5 for water?!?! If I wanted to pay $5 for water, I would buy Miller Lite.

   If I had a penny for every time you made me feel worthless; I'd be worth something by now.

   Oh for the love of Jesus please stop rep0sting this "If you want to remember you borrow money from them" sh!t. We have already seen it here ten times this week alone.

   If size doesn't matter, how come my ex's vibrator wasn't three inches long and crooked?

   All I want for Christmas is for her let me stuff her stocking with my holiday joy.

   I bet Martin Luther King hit the snooze button like 40 times to try & get back to his awesome dream.

   Its a disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jeans fad.

   I like to listen to mexican radio but I dont know what they are singing or saying so I just pretend they are singing about how awesome I am.

   I hate when I'm sitting on bleachers and Half my nutsack falls asleep!WTF