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I would rather soak my berry's in maple syrup and sit on an ant hill than diddle Arnold Swartzenegger's baby momma! 
You don't just turn your swag on, you either got it or you don't.
that awkward moment when you hold the door for someone and you're left standing there for an eternity because they move at a turtle's pace.
When I get real, real bored I like to go downtown and get a good parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
Thursday 31st March is National Cleavage Day, a day to work it, love it & celebrate it.!! (@)Y(@)
allergic to liars
If you are a new waiter at a Chinese restaurant does that make you the Lo Mein on the totem pole?
I have nothing against black folk. One of my best friends thinks he is black.
Girls at parties are like parking spaces, if you're late all the good ones are gone, So when nobody's looking you stick it in the disabled one....
Nice try, fat girls ordering a salad on the first date. Nice try.
More people chose to be religious more from their fear of hell than their love of their faith.
twighlight did to vampires what brokeback mountain did to cowboys
No matter how good or bad you think life is, wake up each day and be thankful for life. Someone somewhere else is fighting to survive.
S.H.I.T.: So Happy It's Thursday.
Playing Wheel Of Fortune- Phrase G_F_CK Y_ _RS_LF ..would you like to solve or would you like to buy a vowel??
What's more shocking than finding out Shirley Temple has died? Finding out Shirley Temple was still alive.
Romney spent $800m to not be president. I spent nothing for the same result. Who's the better business man now?
Two cars crashed into each other in Mexico. 57 Dead.
Religious people on being born g@y: "There's no scientific proof!" Religious people on religion: "We don't need scientific proof!"
The only reason women can't park is because we are constantly being lied to about what 8 inches really is.
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