Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Nothing makes you look younger than an old photo.

   Look, I only want what's best for me.

   I have a feeling that this Philip Philips guy is going to be huge if he can just figure out a way to get one more Philip into his name

   I hate long distance relationships , the fridge is so far from my bed

   I just want a Christmas like we used to have with all of us together pretending we're enjoying it.

   When I can't get an automatic faucet to turn on, I achieve a whole new level of low self esteem.

   thought about being a gynecologist...i hear there's plenty of openings

   I would play right field and scratch my balls every night for way less than 5 mil a year.

   That time after the break up when your driving and the only radio stations you are left with are talk radio and mexican polka.

   Biggest lie- I'm not drinking no more after tonight

   Jessie is a friend. He has a pet squirrel that brings him tacos. You know, I wish I had Jessie's squirrel.

   What's with all the lame Obama jokes now? He's not been President for over a week. He's gone.....

   I'm having an old person moment....How do I work the camera on my microwave?

   It's not called "Looting" .... Under this administration's politically correct policies .... it's called "Undocumented Shopping"

   Socialism works so well, people build boats from trash to escape it.

   The internet is blowing up over the first lady's shoes?? Is this what we've come to in America??

   I'm sure those pesky Russians are behind these hurricanes!!

   sn't gonna buy the new i-pad......I hear next years version is coming with wings....I can wait! :-)

   ...didn't even know that Lindsay Lohan was addicted to milk. I thought it was crack...

   Spent the whole day checking items off my task list. In retrospect, I probably should have used that time to complete tasks