Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   damn woman...you are like the herpes of drunk texting...you never go away.

   thinks the future isn't quite what it used to be

   on the positive side, somewhere in a third world country people now have these sweet Pittsburgh steelers Superbowl champions shirts and hats to wear!!

   Maybe she's born with it... Maybe it's Maybelline. Or maybe it's Photoshop

   Guy's Remember : While You're Sitting There All Day Playing Call Of Duty , Your Girl Is Calling Someone Else To Come And Do Your Duty .

   ...just heard that Tampax is replacing the strings with tinsel this month. ...Ladies, get them soon, supplies only last for the the Christmas period!

   If abortion is murder, aren't comdoms kidnapping?

   The reason you can't go back afrer going black is because none of them have a car to take you back or a job to buy gas.

   the reason Santa even has a naughty list!!!!!

   My view on gun control. The criminal is the cheetah and the average U.S. citizen is the antelope. The cheetah will always be there to attack the antelope. Stripping the antelope of its horns will not solve the problem. It makes it defenseless.

   Bacon is bacon; eggs is eggs; dont let them boys between your legs; they'll say your cute; they'll say your fine; 9 months later they'll say it ain't mine

   Go back in time and kill Hitler as a baby. He'd be so freaked out that a baby is trying to murder him, you'll have the element of surprise.

   The PopeMobile: Because Nothing says "I have faith in God" like 4 inches of bulletproof glass.

   by the power vested in me, I know pronounce you ... Blocked & Deleted. You may now kiss my @ss

   it normal that one of my balls is bigger then the other two?

   God made your butt crack up and down because if it were sideways, when you went down a slide it would sound like this bufufufufufufufuublubufubufbufbufbuf

   wonders if people who use sign language are allowed to talk with their mouth full....

   It's a Red Bull kind of day.

   ˙ǝןƃuɐ ʇuǝɹǝɟɟıp ɐ ɯoɹɟ pןɹoʍ ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooן ɐ ƃuıʞɐʇ sı

   Katy Perry is brought to you today by the number 34 and the letters "D D" Can You tell me how to get,how to get to sex-with-me-street?