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Two women are sitting in church. One leans over and whispers to the other, "My butt is going to sleep". The other replies, "I know, I've heard it snore three times" 
Am I the only one who has ever deleted a 'friend' just to use their status that was funny?
discovered last weekend that if you play a Justin Biber album backwards, you hear satanic messages. What's even worse is, if you play it forward, you hear Justin Biber
Why is the Sunday paper available on Saturday, does nothing happen that's worth calling news on Saturday?
Bless the millions that will be attending the March for Life in DC today, with our President.
I feel bad for the kids these days that see a cool toy on TV, but can't order it because their parents have to be over 18 to call.
Sometimes when I'm bored, I bounce my boobs on the jfdslkhdjkhkjdvvgffdzbsldk;/ffdlskn\/njvglnxlk\cz/\/sl/\sn
Friday the 13th might be an unlucky day, but when you live in the land of bacon, badasses and bald eagles, every day is a lucky day....... #America
How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife's clothes.
normal..it's everyone else that's weird.
Article on USA Today talking about guns "Role in suicides". I guess the next time someone jumps off a bridge, we will start talking about tearing all of the bridges in America down...
cool like the other side of the pillow
Imagine if the Amish had Facebook and played Mafia wars it would go sumtin like this ...."You were attacked by Don Yoder he has beaten you with A hoe, 3 horse n buggies, 6 bonnets, 3 aprons and a goat taking 1 energy and built you a chair!!!!!"
How do you find will smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints...
Im so happy Facebook wasnt around when I was in high school.
There should be a Breast Cancer Awareness T-shirt that says "Yes they're fake! My real one's tried to kill me!"
Does Jimmy Biden or Joe Carter have the better ring to it?
alot of people when they go to concerts they yell out "Wooo! or Yeah!" I like to yell out more specific things like "The way you play you're Music makes feel Good Inside!!"
you know why guns are better the woman? You can put a silencer on a gun
NOTHING is more awkward then walking down an empty hallway and passing someone who you use to talk to but don't anymore. 