Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Sometimes I like to just sit alone and think about things... I've noticed that if I do it for too long my legs fall asleep and I can't get off the toilet.

   When sh!t goes down and lines are drawn and sides are taken, that's when you find out who was real and who was faking.

   I encourage more people to become hipsters. Eventually, it will make them mainstream and the self loathing can truly begin.

   it crazy that when I go to stores and have to sign my name for stuff I sign "Daffy Duck"...I mean I guess its not a problem unless Daffy Duck steals my identity right??

   I must say you really have a open mind... and a mouth to match.

   Women and tax forms have a lot in common…Men love to cheat on them.

   Satan has a new room mate!!! Bin Laden is dead!

   has Finally figured out the difference between us. You're me if I tried too hard!

   BED AND BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves.

   Finding out someone still used dial-up is like finding out they had a recent death in the family. "You gotta see this video.. you.. oh, god man, I'm sorry. I didn't know. Let me know if you need anything, ok?"

   Looking back on my childhood....I'm sure Daffy Duck was on that drug "Charlie Sheen".

   Note to self...apparently management doesn't find the game of hide-and-go-seek as amusing as I do....which sucks 'cus I had an awesome hiding spot.

   Do kleptomaniacs take medicine for their condition or do they pay for it?

   on your mind at this very moment

   How do Mexicans take a family portrait?They all jam into the front seat and run a red light.

   they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!

   in court her imaginary friend filed a restraining order against her

   Million Dollar Idea: A pot pie. Only bigger. And filled instead with fruit. Apples perhaps.

   I have 14 friends that liked Lil Wayne. I should delete you all.

   You were a straight-A student, on the honor roll, well-behaved all throughout your school years.......Now today you're wondering why you're unemployed and struggling. Do you still believe in the system "they" taught you since you were a child??