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I'm Voting for the Presidential candidate not under FBI investigation. 
Tom Steyer needs to be taken out and shot, resuscitated, and shot again.
Bill Cosby tried to rape my cat about 50 years ago, I just remembered.
Since my girlfriend has gotten pregnant alot has changed... Like my name, address and telephone number.
Opportunity only knocks once. If there's any more than that, it's prolly a Jehovah's Witness ツ
Two red blood cells met and fell in love. But alas,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, it was in vein.
Kenya please explain why you called Chad a Niger? You Congo around using words like that or all of a Sudan you Ghana have no place Togo
I don't want a relationship where people say "They look so cute together." I want one where they say, "Look how happy they are together."
Three blondes walk into a bar.....you'd think one of them would have seen it.
Women are like condoms; if they're not on your d!ck, they're in your wallet.
Just saw Transformers.... Greatest Transformer movie ever. I thought the lack of any actual Transformers was a bit odd, but Jim Carrey was hilarious & those penguins were adorable!
Her legs are like the waffle house.. Open 24/7 but people only eat there when they're drunk
I would pay good money to watch a midget ride a Pitbull .
Best part about the death of bin Laden... It got the media to shut up about the stupid Royal Wedding.
just ate a Beefy 5 Layer Burrito at Taco Bell for lunch. A guy that works there gives them to me for $0.89 each. He must like me or something.
Already got my Halloween costume idea for next year...I'm reusing my Chewbacca costume from this year, putting a tight dress on it and going as Khloe Kardashian
Did you read the news? 4,000 Dead Birds Drop From the Sky! Looks like God likes playing Angry Birds too!! Tee Hee!
wants to know how angry you are with him, on a scale of 1 to Chris Brown
I'm Homy... I bet 99% of you pervs misread that.
"In college Paul Ryan drove the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. So he and Romney have something in common. Both have the experience of driving a car with a dog on the roof." 