Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to

   Its funny how the Simpsons have been around for 21 years and they haven't aged a bit.

   Twenty shootings in Chicago over the weekend. Sure signs that nothing has changed in Chicago despite the pandemic.

   Had that dream again last night where the GEICO lizard makes me hold his legs down while he does sit-ups.

   *Yawn* oh no… keep talking… I always YAWN when I'm interested….:)

   Was at Home Depot last night and I saw two Southwest Pilots looking for roofing material ....this can't be good!!

   I just sneezed so hard I think I opened a time portal.

   Conscience is that inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking.

   AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

   This unicorn sitting next to me is saying that I drank too much.

   Vegeterian- ancient tribal name for man that can't hunt.

   Its up to you if you want to sneak your IPod into a meeting. Just don't do an air drum solo. It gives you away.

   dont you hate it when you grab the last Capri Sun pouch and theres no straw to attached it with

   Its been 8 minutes since anyone has posted anything new... What r you b*tches planning and why wasnt I invited...

   Lindsay Lohan? Uhh, throw her in prison for the next 3 years, see if we care.

   After reflecting back on the movie Young Guns, I would say Charlie Sheen finally made it to the "spirit world"

   The karaoke guy got cut from American Idol last night...maybe you should be nicer to people...ya prick.

   Am I the only once who noticed Michael Jordan has a hitler mustache in the Haines commercials?

   One of the high points about me working Sunday mornings...is reading the status updates people post after a night of drinking!

   Are you guys really my friends or are you just my facebook friends?"