Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I hate it when you're with MC Hammer and he doesn't let you touch anything

   I picked up this chick last Friday night. I'm not saying she's fat or anything, but when I pulled her panties down to her knees, her a$$ was still in them. :(

   For those who are upset when they see the word Xmas, just know that the Old English word (12th Century) for Christmas begins with X. The Greek word for Christ (which the English word derives) begins with the Greek letter "chi", or X. So its use is proper

   wonders what would happen if he was scared half to death....twice??

   blames it on the alcohol.

   Tiger Woods is officially black. His wife busted out his car windows with a golf club @ 3 am , & he clammed up when questioned by the police. Welcome back Tiger

   Someone please tell Barack I'm BAROKE.

   Once upon a time, GIRLS used to cook like their mothers,but now they drink like their damn Fathers...!!!

   •I have an amazing ability! I find objects just before people lose them. The police, however, call it theft.

   You would think old people would drive a lil faster...I mean its not like they have alot of time to waste..Right?

   You may think I'm a loser, but to my goldfich, I'm the god of flakes.

   My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him

   I see they have blocked the Internet in Egypt. No more online pyramid schemes then?

   The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

   thinks Diarrhea would be a beautiful name, if it didn't mean diarrhea.

   I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.

   It's so hot, I just saw a squirrel fanning his nuts.

   was woken up again last night by the bulimic girl next door. I banged on the wall and shouted, "For f***s sake, keep it down!".

   Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me ;-)

   Does anyone else see the irony that the game "Monopoly" is made by one company?