Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Every other countries policy: you don't work, you don't eat! USA policy: you work, you don't eat!

   WARNING: if you see posts offering free clip of the new Nickelback album DO NOT CLICK. It links to a free clip of the new Nickelback album.

   How much for the frog? No, that one.... No, THAT one. Goddammit, how much for the frog, that one with the tail?... Well excuse me! How much for the lizard then

   why test on animals when we have pedofiles in prison.

   "If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?"

   may contain traces of nuts.

   Thinks Women are like scratch-off tickets… There fun to do, ….. Most of the time they turn out to be losers, …. If your lucky you'll get a winner, ……. And in the end you spend more than you get!

   looking at the NFL schedule, the NFL needs to change who plays the Thanksgiving game. It should be Patriots vs. Redskins in Washington. Then, after the game, the Patriots kill the Redskins and take their stadium away from them...

   walked past the fridge last night and thought she heard two onions singing a Bee Gees song but when she opened the fridge door it was just chives talking.

   My Best Relationship Advice: Make Sure You're the Crazy One...

   When is it a good time to mention the Easter holiday tradition of eggs and bunny rabbits are pagan fertility symbols and the words Easter, Easter Bunny, or Easter Egg appear nowhere in the Bible? Not this weekend then?.....

   condoms please; --need a bag?; --no need, this time she's not that ugly

   Happy Birthday Girlfrien. I didn't put the D because you'll get that later.

   Nicki Minaj being a judge on American Idol is like Taylor Swift giving relationship advice.

   For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into domestic violence.

   Failed biology because apparently the answer to "what is commonly found in cells?" Isn't "Blacks and Mexicans"

   What's with everybody jumping on this KONY 2012 bandwagon? You know what...I'll care about Africa's problems when there aren't any starving kids in AMERICA. When citizens in my own country aren't homeless, hungry, or unemployed.

   Mexico can never get an Olympic team together... anybody who can run, swim or jump is already in the States.

   - Video Games don't make children violent. Lag does.

   I couldn't reach my oil filter... so I took out the entire engine.