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The only reason I'd ever get a sex change operation is to see what it's like to be right all the time. 
Now I'm worried there's a Pokemon somewhere in my bedroom laughing at me naked.
The hardest thing about looking for work is the sobriety.
Haven't played Pokemon Go so I couldn't be part of any conversations at work today.
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn't work here.
Who needs coffee when you can meet up for jagerbombs on a Thursday morning.
Kids wonder about too many things for people who haven't been high.
Pokemon Go is now more popular than Tinder another app where you swipe to find monsters in your area.
Let someone else come in my yard looking for a Pokemon, the only thing you are going to catch are "these hands"
Kids today are socially awkward because of their phones. I don't need a phone for that...I have all organic, farm fresh, free range anxiety.
North Korea declares war against US. What did Seth Rogen and James Franco do this time?
Whenever I eat pizza I look like a rabid dog that's snorted 4 lines of coke.
I don't appreciate how quickly you agree when I admit that I'm imperfect.
Single woman, 29, into parachuting, mountain climbing, skiing, track and field. Has slight limp.
Eminem is trending which is a relief because a whole generation of kids now know Eminem is still alive.
House arrest would be perfectly fine if you could choose the house.
You can tell how rich someone is from their reaction when you tell them you had cheese toast for dinner.
Imagine the amount of money that could be raised if George Zimmerman volunteered to be the guy sitting on the dunk tank.
Living in New York City is having constant road rage even though you don't own a car.
The secret to a happy marriage is to completely master the "I'm listening" head nod while your wife is speaking.... 