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sitting in a tree outside your bedroom window, waiting for you to get home... 
fears dying alone. Which is why she plans on taking some of you with her. :D
will not be your emotional tampon
Doesnt Need Drugs She's Naturally Retarded
decided that he's not gonna lower his standards to raise yours!!!
Why do farmers always put their gates right next to the muddiest parts of the field?
suggests to those interviewing for a job, not to ask the secretary if she'll sit on your lap during the interview.
doesn't mind you talk behind his back, just make sure while you're back there that you kiss his butt too.
Why aren't martini glasses shaped so that they don't spill so easily on the express bus?
: God must have facebook...everyone seems to pray on it
Thankful for Mr. Austin Nichols...... you taught me that some people have faith, some have a strong will, but I have your Wild Turkey to get me through.
I feel I'm at my most culturally sensitive when I call Dell tech support and don't scream, "What the **** are you saying?"
the m0ment when someone shaves a beard and you had no idea they were THAT ugly
I have just found out that yelling "I'm gonna scissor you!" at someone isn't as threatening as I first thought...
Of course I have life goals...they just have NHL level goalies blocking them.
3 things that should never be broken. 1. Hearts 2. Promises 3. Condoms. Sometimes the breaking of # 3 causes 1 & 2 to break.”
When finding someone to date, drinking compatibility is more important than you think
Abilify commercials depress me. Is there a version of this pill I can take just to get through their ads?
never drink before a 1st date for confidence. I did once and ended up marrying him.
I'm an organ donor, but I'm pretty sure all they're going to use is my liver for *after* photos.
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