Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Hello Network Solutions, we have a problem.

   When I was little, we used to play a game called "knock and run" where you knock on someone's door and run away before they answered. Nowadays, it's known as "Parcelforce"

   How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?

   Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil...and you'll never land a job working for a women's magazine.

   thinks that a perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children

   Maybe it's just me, but I think throwing rocks and feces at Tila Tequila officially renders you a member of the Sane Clown Posse.

   Putting the "i" in team since (insert your date of birth)

   So she "just wants to be friends." Cheer up! That's more than most people want to be with you.

   doesn't think I'll ever reach the age where I'm old enough to know better.

   If fire escapes were replaced with waterslides people would use them a lot more.

   wishes I were more outdoorsy. Unfortunately, there are bugs outside.

   a instant human.........just add coffee

   The Orioles have been so bad for so long that MLB is now requiring them to take performance enhancing drugs

   I am known for my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around.

   Everything happens for a reason. It's just that it's always too late when we find out.

   When did "MUST READ" become code for "This is a total waste of time?"

   The bird that lives in my backyard has brought chicks back to the bird bath everyday this week. Potential wingman?

   I rarely get distracted, but the other . . . .brb.

   I know how the saying goes....no pain, no gain. But my philosophy is no pain, no pain!

   People like YOU, are the reason why people like ME, need MEDICATION