Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   pretty sure I just ate a record setting amount of Rice Krispies!

   If you ask me "Is it snowing OUTSIDE?" prepare to get a sarcastic response.

   I am a good listener, just ask my TV.

   BREAKING NEWS: LeBron James chooses DirecTV over Comcast and Dish Network.

   I am the luckiest person in the world. Everyday I get a mail from Yahoo & MSN that I have won a lottery...

   One hair on your head is not enough...but one hair in your food is too much.

   "Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you." "So is a grenade!"

   REALLY in the matrix......would I know though?

   “Hey. What do I do again?” -- Me greeting my boss every Monday morning.

   Sometimes I'd rather be home by myself then have to hang out with my friend's friends.

   hopes that the recent actions of Muhamed-Bob Flare Pants doesn't necessitate Homeland Security from implementing undergarment removal at airport security checkpoints

   Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.

   I think this dude was hitting on me while I was playing basketball today. He runs over to me, smacks me on the a$$ and says, "Nice shot bro!" Which wouldn't be so bad but I hadn't even put my shoes on yet let alone taken a shot.

   •Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

   How can I explain Your love And how it turns my world up side down

   in need of an ego boost. Maybe she'll take one of those "English as Second Language" courses and really take a moment to shine.

   Regarding the show CAKE BOSS: How FAT of a country have we become that CAKE is the star of a hit show?

   I wonder if tennis ballboys brag about their "gets" to each other. "You see that? I grabbed the $hit out of that ball! School's in session, boys. I am lightning!"

   Many iPhone4 users are irrate that their wireless signal suddenly drops. Steve Jobs said the problem is in the software and recommends that they download the latest version of Apple's iDon'tcare.

   my pants are like a cheap hotel, no ballroom