Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   hanging up her spoon after a hard days s*it stiring.

   I think Weiner's next press conference should be in a Brett Favre jersey....

   The first thing on my to-do list is burning my to-do list.

   Sometimes feels like life is a big test and I'm in the wrong classroom.

   Dear Monday, Please don't be a snatch today. Please pass on the message to the rest of the week...Thanks

   I learn something new everyday. Yesterday I was wise. Today I'm wiser.

   BREAKING: Taco Bell to re-brand Itself as "64% Vegan"

   would eat more salads if they didn't taste like vegetables.

   just because the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, doesn't mean its not fake field turf.

   It's all funny till the zombies come isn't it?

   All my job prospects sounded a lot more exciting when I was seven.

   Nobody understand what anyone else is going through. We could be standing beside someone who is broken and never know

   Life log: It has been 19 days since the playstation has gone down.Everything seems so real.

   Guys don't post stuff like ☆ BEAUTIFUL☆ FATHER☆ AWARD ☆ on eachouther's walls with the whole ˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙ crap after it.  We show each other love by posting, "Dude, you're an ass!"  

   I'm glad won first place at the tournment. But somehow being know as "County Cornhole Champion" doesn't sound all that great.

   switched to an electric car but then my electric bill went up......

   headed to check my MYSPACE... (crickets chirping)

   if only super glue worked on ANYTHING as well as gluing it's own cap on........

   Thinks given the choice between Parkinson's and Alzheimer's, I would prefer Parkinson's. I would rather spill a little beer rather than forget where I put it.

   The healthiest part of a donut is the hole. Unfortunately you have to eat through the rest of the donut to get there ..