Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Everyone is addicted to something that takes away the pain.

   I love people who gossip behind my back... that's just where they belong, behind ME!

   That which does not kill you, disappoints me.

   Your opinion does not require anyone else's to be valid...

   The term "chubby chasers" is so inaccurate and misleading. Cause we don't run.

   90% of my life is regrettably trying to get out of conversations I got myself into.

   Foreplay was designed by woman to give us one last chance to decide if you're actually worth sleeping with.

   I reek of alcohol and poor judgement according to the unknown DNA on the left side of my face.

   I refereed a women's football match yesterday. It was brilliant. I booked two for muttering under their breath, one for the silent treatment and I sent one off without explanation and left her wondering what she'd done wrong.

   My superpower is waking up more tired than before I slept.

   If "it's what is on the inside that matters" then why do they sell so much make-up?

   "extra cheese" should be the average amount of cheese on everything.

   Things are looking up. I just made my own sandwich!

   If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we'll never know.

   there must have been a San Francisco fan at Buffalo Wild Wings who hit the lights button.

   Watching post Halloween walks of shame is the best.

   I went to the store today to stock up on bread, beer, and Captain Morgan just in case Hurricane Sandy decides to double back to NC..... Always good to be prepared...

   Some mornings it's best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck

   It's like my dad always said,,,, "Don't call me Dad."

   Ready, Set, Weekend !