Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

   There must be a trick to fighting fire with fire because my kitchen just pretty much has twice as much fire now.

   Screw this weather! I'm moving to Petticoat Junction where the sun is always shining and beautiful women skinny dip in the local water tower. I'll be staying the The Shady Rest.

   wishes they'd make an app that turns my iPhone into a taser..

   I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

   I'm wondering why the phrase, "It's none of my business" must always be followed by, "but?"

   Kate Gosselin had a garage sale , she did good.... she has 3 kids left.

   She takes a backseat to no one. But will get in the back seat with anyone.

   The McRib is like the IRS...Both come around once a year, and when they do everybody cringes!!!

   believes that all you need in a tool box is Duct Tape and WD40. If it moves and shouldn't, use Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use WD40

   If a woman says she likes it she hates it, if she says she loves it she likes it, if she is speechless she loves it

   thinks that punctuality is appreciated in all situations except in bed.....apparently women are not for the whole "coming too early" thing!

   Though we made many advancements in society, sadly, pimpin' STILL isn't easy.

   i'm ugly and my mother dresses me funny...

   Hey John its your grandmother. Could you tell me how to work this cell phone you got me for Christmas? ~ Sent via payphone.

   thinking that now that I have a laptop computer, iPhone, GPS and tablet PC, my ADD is actually a positive thing now.

   No matter what I do... I always end up back to Facebook... I try to look for other things to do online... but apparently seeing other peoples statuses, conversations, pictures, videos, and occasionally getting poked entertains me...

   still waiting for Spaceballs II: The Search For More Money to come out.

   just because the shampoo bottle says strawberry dont means it taste like strawberries

   I had a bad feeling Casey was getting off the hook when I saw the envelope the verdict was in had been sealed by duct tape.