Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Ladies: You know by saying you want a man who is good in bed implies that you are also good in bed right??

   Nice guys don't finish last, they finish by themselves in front of the computer.

   A night of insomnia is always followed by a morning of browser history clearing.

   Owen Wilson talks like his mouth is as messed up as his nose.

   Currently having an "out-of-money" experience.

   Nothing says "Love" like having a ShamWow tossed at your genitals after having sex.

   If you watch my marriage in reverse, my wife pulls a knife out of me and gets back together with her ex boyfriend.

   Girls who marry for money & guys who marry for beauty are equally robbed in the end.

   Happy birthday America, you lovable old geezer!

   I'm beginning to think Queen Latifah is not actually a queen.

   Sometimes I want to punch words right back into people's mouths.

   Hey Friday! How ya been buddy?

   Kids today have it so easy. When I was a teenager it was almost impossible to find pictures of the First Lady naked on the internet.

   Congratulations to Marijuana for winning more states than Hillary .

   ... Well ... Yes ... Technically ..... I do think that burning the American Flag is a form of Free Speech ...... All I ask is that you wrap yourself in it FIRST before setting it on fire ....

   Getting a bit tired of all of this McCarthyism passing itself off as news in America.

   Black Olives Matter

   I hope someday I will be able to afford an iPhone X... Like the girl in front of me paying for her groceries with food stamps...

   I think ppl should make New Years resolutions for NO MORE SELFIES IN BATHROOMS......Seriously.....you and your toilet are not sexy......

   Some people call me insensitive, but that's not true. I have an emotion: I feel sorry for the millions of pathetic losers who walk around like sheep waiting to be shorn.