Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   have the comedians not woken up yet today or what? I can't post this crap

   I am strong because I have been weak, I am a lover because I am a fighter, I am fearless because I have been afraid. I am wise because I have been foolish & I can laugh because I have also known sadnes, I know my past yet I can see my future will be grea

   RIP Megan Fox career - 2007 - 2010

   still confused after one of the presenters on Children in Need said, "pick up your phone and pledge". I'm still sitting here with the phone in one hand and a can of furniture polish in the other, wondering what the hell I'm supposed to do next.

   Being in a relationship with someone who is always miserable with themselves can turn you into a miserable person as well.

   I just found a jar in the fridge, with expiry date 21/12/2012. I looked at it twice, and indeed, it was mayannaise!

   Just think... before Facebook all of this crazy s%*t was floating around in people's heads.

   Black Friday = Broke Saturday

   RIP Joan Rivers. She was 80 years old. Her nose was 31, and her lips sadly were only 22. So young!

   Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.

   If Hillary wins the POTUS, we'll all know what it's like to have a yeast infection because we will be dealing with an irritating c@%t every day.

   What do frozen beer, burnt pizza and a pregnant girl have in common? Some idiot didn't take it out in time.

   I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?

   If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, you're not worthy

   News Reporter: "So what inspired you to work with Chris Brown?" Rihanna: "Beats me..."

   It's been a boring day today. Not exactly Nascar boring, but awfully close.

   ♫ Good Morning USA, I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day. ♫

   Okay, I have a confession to make. About 15 years ago, on a warm Saturday afternoon, just for a few moments, I stopped believing. Please don't tell Journey!!

   Does this leaf make me look fat?" - Eve.

   Why are armed citizens standing guard over their property called vigilantes but rioting anarchists called peaceful protesters?