Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it."

   Women are only terrible at parking because we're constantly being lied to about what 9 inches is

   "Hi" "Hi" "Did you eat?" "Did you eat?" "Are you copying me?" "Are you copying me?" "I love you!" "Yeah, I ate already.."

   me+alcohol+nintendo64=profanity out the ass

   I just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

   "I like big butts and I cannot lie" - homeless guy digging in an ashtray

   I posted on Facebook I was no Gynagoligist,but i'll take a look. I got "17 people like this.And best of all 5 appointments !

   Just ONCE would I love to see a girl I know in a porno

   Boy: I wana fu*k you so hard right now. Girl:What?! Boy: Stupid autocorrect! Hey what you doin later? Girl: But, we're talking face to face.

   Studies have finally discovered what is wrong with the male brain. On the left side, there is nothing right, and on the rightside, there is nothing left!

   WoW. Think about that word. WoW backwards is WoW. And WoW upside down is MoM. And MoM upside down is dad's favorite thing

   "So this is how democracy dies, with thunderous applause..." - Star Wars Episode III

   After handing cashiers money, I like to caress their hand just to let them know all sales don't have to be final.

   WELCOME TO FACEBOOK - The place where people add you as a friend and walk past you in the street.....

   So you gonna take 15 minutes to text back huh? That's fine, I'll take 20...

   Put a woman in a car and she drives like she's the only one on the road and crashes into everything - Put her on the bumper cars at a theme park and she drives cautiously around the outside and avoids hitting anything.

   Do you know who says bros before hos'? Actors in sitcoms and the three dudes sitting together without dates at the bar.

   I went to the pub last night, had a shot and saw this really fat chick dancing on the table. I said to her "Nice legs." The girl giggled and said with a smile "Do you really think so?" I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now."

   What the heck is almond milk? Almonds don't even have tities!

   World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I'd go watch some of my single friends at the bar.