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When you're an Atheist, every Friday is good and nobody has to die. 
I read today that 99% of women don't like men in leather pants. That is convenient...because 99% of men in leather pants don't like women.
so another day has come and gone and I still haven't used algebra
So it's 12/12/12...not the date, but the IQ's of Lindsay Lohan, Kim Kardashian & Paris Hilton! ツ
R.I.P Lindsay Lohan... She didnt really but I'm practicing...
Oprah sister is the new Pat; Pat is the new Stedman and Stedman is the new Tampon.
Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green.
When her favorite song comes on she shakes the a$$ like a pro but can't ride a d*ck to save her life
Why do I need scissors to open a pack of scissors anyway...the whole point of buying scissors is that I don't f**king have any
Women need to relax and stop worrying so much about their bodies. Men aren't picky! Unless you're chubby or have a wrinkle or something.
On a scale from Casey Anthony to Penn State, how much do you love children?
I like to scare deaf people by yawning at them.
Single mothers had mothers day, they dont do the role of a dad so grow up
Forget a "dislike" button , id rather have a "This makes me want to punch you in the freakin throat" button
A guy with a steering wheel sticking out the front of his pants walks into a bar. The bartender sees him and says "heyt. There's a steering wheel sticking out the front of your pants." The guy says " yeah, and it's driving me nuts".
has been having 3-somes with hot twins. My friends ask how I tell them apart. Its easy... Lisa is the one with long blond hair and Luke is the one with the six pack and hairy legs
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status', do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.
created an idiot proof facebook status, click >HERE< to see it
My chinese friend died last week. So Yung
"Ooh, the game was tonight?"- God
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