Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   How to get comments on facebook......oops I thought this was google

   I survived Y2K, Bird Flu, Mad Cow, 9/11 and Swine Flu. 2012, Here I Come!

   went to the sex shop to get a new toy and is now very disappointed. I picked the big red one featured on the wall., and they told me to pick another one. Supposedly, that was their fire extinguisher...and here I thought it was just cleverly named!

   I was in the nany for about 40 minutes until they kicked me out. Turns out the poop deck isn't what I thought it was. Man were they angry.

   Only in America would they name a State after a bucket of fried chicken.

   Gonna try grocery shopping drunk. Can't believe I've never thought if this before.

   wondering if you can do me a favor? Tell me if this rag smells like chloroform.

   Don't waste your time on things that only hurt you, and remember to forget those who forget you.

   America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

   Man I wanna throw a book at someone face and be like "I Facebooked you!" Lol

   If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.

   Beat it. Beat it. No one wants to be defeated. Shongda hupfucky. Homga shuntvight. It doesn’t matter who’s wrong or right.

   The Zoo is a safe place to fart.

   So, the gov't is going to let us keep something we already bought? Mighty white of them...

   I would rather smack a piñata filled with diarrhea than go down on a Kardashian.

   Mayan Guy: Hey wanna beer? Other Mayan Guy: I'm working on this calendar, but I guess if I don't finish it won't be the end of the world.

   I don't think Lance Armstrong took steroids. He doesn't have the balls to do such a thing.

   It's always fun to mess with new neighbors. I told the new neighbor across from me "Well at least you made it longer than the last 2 tenants there. They both died there within 2 weeks."

   It’s so funny to wake up each day and see ppl in their 20s, 30s,40s, acting like two year olds. Go back to your safe place because there’s 6 more years to go

   Hillary Clinton could sacrifice a newborn baby on live tv and her supporters would say it was taken out of context