Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Fact: African Americans make up 13.3% of the US population. Fact African Americans make up 70% of the NFL. Fact: Average NFL Salary: $1.9 million. And these are the guys protesting "Oppression"?

   the entrepreneur in me thinks I should be selling rocks in the streets of Iran.

   If you love someone, then you have to let them go. If they come back, then they're meant for you, but if they don't, then you stalk them

   I went to Japan and got myself a discount prostitute. She love me moderate time.

   My friend Ryan is going to attempt to get his vasectomy reversed tomorrow. I told him they could make a movie about it and call it "Saving Ryan's Private."

   "Hey Dog the Bounty Hunter!" F#CK YOU!" Sincerely Waldo

   Name 2 things that get smoked in bowls?.......Marijuana and Notre Dame Football

   My mother told me: "alcohol is your worst enemy." Jesus said: "love your enemy." Case closed.

   She removed her jeans threw it to me and said ``Make me feel like a woman``... and I removed my trouser threw it 2 her and said ``wash them both...

   One nation...over weight...with high fructose corn syrup for all!

   I'd like to return this pack of gum. They taste awful. "Sir, those are Band-Aids." Oh, I'd like to return these Band-Aids. Someone ate some.

   I didn't hear the sea when I held a Shell up. I did however get 6 years in jail for armed robbery on a Gas Station

   I do not understand why people create gags about 10.10.10, 11.11.11 or 12.12.12 while everyone knows that nothing can replace the curiosity of 36.24.36

   My doctor said that jogging could add years to my life. I didn't believe him at first, but I went this afternoon and I feel ten years older already

   OJ Simpson is back in court. He's gained weight. Apparently the only knife OJ has been using lately is the butter knife.

   diagonally parked in a parallel universe

   Being bisexual is the ability to reach down someone's pants and be satisfied with whatever you find.

   Stevie Wonder's nephew was charged with trying to extort his famous uncle....I guess Stevie never saw that coming!

   What do you call a woman who talks and wants to cuddle after sex? ......A taxi.

   Blaming guns for killing people is like blaming forks for making Rosie O'Donnell fat.