Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   On our Birthday! America as a Nation needs desperately to realize that if we do not again regain the lead in Technology and Education, we will continue to bury our heads in the sands of Afghanistan, Iraq, and Pakistan!!!

   Do you ever take a couple of ibuprofen just in case?

   What if when we die the light we see at the end of the tunnel is just us being pushed out of another V@gina!!!

   There are two types of people in this world: People who like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups...and complete and utter monsters.

   just dumped!! Anyone want some sloppy seconds??

   When you're happy, you enjoy the music. But when you're sad, you understand the lyrics

   Why is it whenever I open a can of evaporated milk, it's still there?

   I'm not doing the 'Black Friday' thing this year. Last year... it was so crowded... I walk out of Walmart with someone else's shoes on...

   SWAG = Secretly We Are Gay

   There was a homeless guy walking down my street.. I was gonna give him a few bucks but his sign said: "ONE DAY IT MIGHT BE YOU". I put the money back in my pocket just in case he's right.

   America hates your dumb a$$ and all of us here

   It’s an employee’s job to respect management but it's managements job to give them something to respect.

   Forgive them father for they are not civilized or educated.

   Bad news guys with big d*cks. She'll just find something else to b*tch about...

   My electric car is in for service, so I have to drive an acoustic one.

   I ate pizza and drank beer last night. Apparently, too much pizza causes a really bad headache...

   If you want to be equal why would you need to be congratulated for being gay?

   @Jesus! We come here to find funny things to show our sense of humor, not to say we wrote them ourselves. You need a personality!

   I'm going to a Halloween party without a shirt, so when people ask what I'm supposed to be I can say a premature ejaculation... I just came in my pants.

   I don't get why women spend so much money on sunglasses...it would be way cheaper just tinting the kitchen window