Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Help me Obi Won Bacardi, I'm sobering up.

   I am about tired of all this frozen global warming!

   Watching hurricane reporter standing in the surf. The weirdness in me is waiting for a shark to get him. Sorry.......

   Understand women?....I think it would be easier to drive to Hawaii.

   Me: "What color hair does the tooth fairy have?" My son: "Red, because it is you. I don't believe in fairies." My other son: "Her hair is gray. She colors it." Maybe I should have taught them to believe in fairies.

   You can not even fathom the immensity of the f*ck that I don't give about the Royal Wedding....

   I don't accept blame well, but it's not my fault.

   I have a low tolerance for pain... but the up side I can endure A LOT of pleasure.

   u know you have drank to much vodka when you start speaking russian...

   Put Party Rock Anthem as my Alarm so I wake up shufflin..

   refuses to see a doctor whose office plants have died.

   Just killed a spider for stepping on my shoes.........#ThugLife

   Leaving Facebook for Twitter is like leaving the bar to go home.

   trying to explain the urine on the ceiling.

   thinks its cool for a guy to have sex with his female teacher. Unless he's home schooled.

   "Ohhhh Shanaynay! That Hoe Just Called You Ghetto!" "Aww Hell Naw! Hold my food stamps!"

   Mr. President, please remove your hand from my pocket; I can stimulate myself.

   This October has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays all in one month. It happens only once every 823 years.

   Ugly girls....stop taking pics and posting it like you're cute.

   Dear 2010, So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?! Sincerely, 1985