Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   no one looks back on there lifes and remember the nights they got plenty of sleep.

   Took the stairs at work today. Not to be healthy, because the elevator smelled like boiled egg farts...

   There needs to be a "Sorry I clogged your toilet" Hallmark card.

   Nothing is more conflicting to men than an ugly woman with a really nice a$$.

   I have so much sand in my ass from the beach I have already made four little fartcastles on the floor.

   Do girls imagine themselves sucking in a invisible spaghetti when they're about to take a picture?

   Not to be vague, but stuff and things.

   As students return to campus, remember, college is a fountain of knowledge and students are there to drink.

   just got my newspaper. Apparently, there's a hurricane headed for the east coast...

   Dopers all over the United States morn as Hostess announces it is shutting down operations. No more sno-balls, Twinkies, King Dons, and other comfort foods. On a brighter note, stock in Cheetoes has gone thru the roof!!!!!

   Jesus doesn't care if my gift to you comes from the dollar store and neither should you.

   are we gonna hear it all day about the stupid date? ooohhhh the numbers are the same. all my cheerios are the same too but I dont tell everyone about it everytime it happens

   Older people who have sex on a regular basis may have a better chance at avoiding dementia. But there's no such luck for anyone who happens to walk in on them.

   Will Obamacare cover my coffee expenses since it is a medical necessity?

   Busting your a$$ is not covered by Obamacare... don't risk it people...

   "Please take a seat" was a bad introduction for a Kleptomaniacs' Anonymous meeting.

   Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports

   Judge: You're sentenced to death. You'll be hung. Wife from the back: HE'S ALREADY HUNG. Me: Your Honor uncuff me so I can high five my wife

   Episode 21: MacGyver fixes his broken heart using nothing but a lighter, a spoon, and a syringe full of heroin.

   I bet if you look at my cells under a microscope they all have little frowny faces.