Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Got a feeling that somebody is gonna get BANGED more times than a ketchup bottle tonight!!

   I wonder what it feels like to spend an entire Saturday trying to come up with something funny to post here and getting no love at all... Not that I spent all day thinking this up or anything...

   Nothing says "SEXY" like your woman holding two fishing poles and a tackle box saying "Let's go!".

   Good things come to those who wait... but great things come to those who don't just sit around waiting for sh!t to happen.

   My ex broke up with me because she says I was obsessed with footbal. I was shocked. I mean we were together for 5 1/2 seasons.

   When you love someone more than what they deserve, you get hurt more than what you deserve.

   Why to guys who wear skinny jeans still hit on girls? They're already in their pants.

   When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.

   “Wow, that is a nice lookin' pair of Crocs.” Said no one ever.

   Too many hood guys not enough good guys..

   Motivation Is Not Enough: If You Motivate An Idiot, All You Have Is A Motivated Idiot

   So Mark Zuckerberg just bought Instagram for $1billion? Why didn't he just go to the App Store and download it for 99c?

   I just want to live in a world where Chicken Pot Pies don't take 45 damn minutes to bake. Scientists, drop what you're doing.

   Ever sat in the bus next to a stranger who smells so nice you just couldn't stop licking her neck?

   You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post's every day...

   A girl just asked what I would call a girl who would do just about anything sexually on the first date. I told her I would call her a...mediately!!!

   the brits have a royal baby we have hoeny boo boo

   Ugly girls are like prime numbers - nothing will go into them except themselves.

   Finished watching The Little Mermaid with my daughter. I believe it taught us all a valuable lesson. Men will fall in love with women if they can't talk.

   if you use "damn" as an adjective.... you might be a damn dumbass.