Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Dear person who comes into a restaurant 5 mins before closing: Please burst into flames and die.

   nothing says American greed more then a packed mall one day after getting free stuff

   When I cross a one way road, I still look both sides... . . Just in case there are any women driving

   I'm like the reverse Michael Jackson. I always wanted to be black. I'm sexually attracted to adults, and I have no talent whatsoever.

   my manly shoulders will be here for you to cry on, as soon as your husband admit's he's gay....

   Before sex, you help each other get naked.. After sex, you only dress yourself.. Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once your f*cked!

   Lick the alphabet. Yea, you know what I am talking about, don't even lie.

   How is gun control working in Chicago?

   not addicted to cocaine, he just likes the way it smells.

   Women are like a pack of cards, you need a heart to love them, a diamond to buy them, a club to kill them and a spade to bury them

   brought to you by Summers Eve. When your situation down south makes him breathe through his mouth.

   A man gets on a plane with 6 kids. The flight attendant asks, "Are these your kids?" The man replies, " no, I work for Trojan and these are customer complaints!"

   Dating a single mother.... It's like continuing from somebody else's saved game.

   "Too many freaks, not enough circuses"

   Getting a fat girl drunk is expensive, it's like filling up a Winnebago with super unleaded.

   ‎31 States, 1618 Languages, 6 Major Religions, 29 National Festivals, 1 Country!! Happy Independence Day INDIA!!!

   ♫ ♫ My pokemon brings all the nerds to the yard, and they're like you wanna trade cards?♫ ♫ Darn right, I wanna trade cards, I'll trade this but not my charizard... ♫ ♫

   Note to women: Its not that difficult to put the seat down if its left up.

   Clinton says "How high do you have to build a wall to keep out the internet?" She's nuts comparing the internet to illegal immigrants. God help us.

   Privilege is having a national college fund that supports only your race.