Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Beware: Things get pretty messy when you let a Snickers REALLY satisfy you...

   I Cant imagine how boring taking a $hit would be without an iphone..

   ║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95

   It's Cinco de Mayo! Or, as they call it in Arizona, "May fifth let me see your papers."

   My wife told me that she was seeing someone else because she was fed up with my bad habits. I nearly choked on my toenail

   Some day Bristol Palin will tell her child "I made $15,000 a speech telling kids how to avoid making a mistake like you!"

   I just said hey to Sarah Jessica Parker and she got really excited. She must have thought I meant hay.

   HECK is where you go if you don't believe in GOSH

   uhh... i'm no meteorologist but i'm pretty sure its raining b*tches..

   I can cook, clean, do my own laundry and grogery shop. I think I only need a woman for one thing, to let me know when I am wrong.

   Here at Kotex Tampons were not claiming to be number one, were certainly not number two,. But when it come"s to Tampons were right up in there...

   You can't buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that's kind of the same thing.

   One of my greatest joys in life is when I've found an old friend on facebook......And they've gotten fat!! lol #iwentthere

   To all those that like to take pics in their bathroom mirrors, clean up the bathroom first!

   What's the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.

   3 things I've learned in school: Texting without looking, Sleeping without getting caught, TEAMWORK on tests

   If anyone needs to walk near the left side of my house it's cool because I went ahead and took care of that enormous spider web with my face.

   whenever your bored send this text to a random number.. "I hid the body."

   Life is like a pen!s. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard.

   Michael Jackson didn't die. He simply completed his course of plastic surgery in 2009, turned into a young gay white boy & renamed himself Justin Bieber...